There seem to be soo many conflicting ideas and views when it comes to Christian dating.

Some feel that you aren’t supposed to do anything but pray and the Lord will automatically bring the right person into your path that you are to date and eventually marry.

Others don’t feel there is any need for prayer, rather, they feel that it’s completely up to them to get out there and “make something happen.”

And you know what? They’re both wrong.

They both hold a piece of the total equation, but they don’t have it completely right.

Here is the thing: we need to do both. Now, the problem with the first group of people, is that they are more likely to just sit around and not go out and meet people or do anything to help their chances of success (hopefully they at least take proper care of themselves and aren’t hoping that the Lord will blind the other person to their neglect of their personal appearance!). They feel that the Lord will do everything for them – that all they have to do is sit back and wait for their girlfriend to show up on their doorstep one day.

The other group of people feels that they need to go out there and get what they need – and that if they don’t go out there and work until something happens, then nothing will happen. So they go about their way, trying to force open any sort of opportunity that they can see. These people tend to bounce around, from relationship to relationship, causing more and more heartache, as they try to find the right one on their own.

As Christians, we need to pray and ask the Lord to guide our steps in terms of dating and finding a marriage partner, as we need His intervention to ensure that we meet the right person. Most often, when we take matters into our own hands, we end up creating an Ishmael (see the story of Abraham and Sarah in the Old Testament) – where we try and force things to happen (or “help” God) and end up creating a big mess.

That being said, Psalm 37:23 says that “The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, And He delights in his way.” The key word here is “steps” we need to be in motion – doing something – not just sitting and waiting.

If you want a visual of what we need to be doing as Christians, it can be found in Nehemiah 5:17, where the Israelites were rebuilding the wall. They were working and yet they were ready for battle. It’s the same way with us – on the one hand we pray, but on the other hand, we work.

In this way, we satisfy the requirements of having faith found in James 2, where James says that faith without works is dead, as he goes on to talk about how we need to not only pray and believe that God will supply our needs, but that we need to work and act out our faith.

So it is with dating. We need to pray and ask the Lord to guide our steps as we seek His wisdom, and yet we need to do our part in dating.

Now, for most Christian guys, this is where they have trouble. They have no problem praying and believing that God will help them, but they don’t know specifically what they need to do.

Recently, I read a fantastic book by David King, called “How to Find the Woman of Your Dreams” that gives the perfect outline of specifically what you need to do in terms of dating and positioning yourself to find the woman of your dreams. It is the most balanced book I’ve ever read on Christian dating, as it gives you specifics of what to do, while helping you grow as a Christian. I’m so glad that we’ve finally got a Christian dating book that does more than just tell you what you can’t do, while offering specific techniques that aren’t lust-filled (like so much of the dating advice given by the world and the media).

If you haven’t read it yet, you simply have to get yourself a copy. It’s that good.

You can find a copy at: this christian dating site or you can see another christian dating advice site here